T for Tom

There Are People Who Care, Pt. II

Posted in Uncategorized by johnsontoms on June 12, 2011

They are people who care and there are people who don’t care.  It seems too often that people move from being one to the next.  I think I have this effect on people.

All the women I’ve known and loved seem to hate me when it’s over.

It’s not for anything that I say this.  The world turns, souls cross, and the dust continues to gather when it’s over.  Along the way I’d like to have something to remember though.  I’ve never believed myself to be one to hold anything down on someone, and I don’t have any hard feelings, really, toward anyone I’ve met.  But in my life when a woman leaves she is gone, long gone.  So much so that someone I knew dearly for most of four years has demonized me in her mind.  It’s a rather bazaar concept, something I can’t quite wrap my head around.  To seriously think that I could take every bit of the happiness and joy that we shared, erase it and replace it with an image of someone that is so vile that I could never have spend such moments of excitement with them is, I suppose, an injustice.  An injustice to both.  My memories would be filled with sadness and regret and I wouldn’t be much compelled to feel good about my life during those four years.  Pretty incredible.  I, personally, look back fondly.

But why does it continue to happen to me?  Certainly I learned something from one woman to the next, even if very little.  It could mean only that there is something so deep in my character that it can’t be fixed (to imply that it’s wrong).  All I can think of immediately is that I am, wait for it… a romantic.  Or so I believe.  I’m not quite sure why I even allow myself the term but it’s a serving illustration for lack of a better definition.  I know that I am passionate; I know that I am idealistic; I know that I am demanding; I know that I expect a lot.  These parts of me give us the best of times, but end in the most tragic of ways.  The only way I see it – Woman sees romance, falls for passion, wants change, doesn’t get way, finds my unwavering drive overbearing, leaves.  Usually they had so much of me by the time they’ve had enough they don’t need to even say hello anymore, ever.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m fine.

But I can’t go on in this world thinking that I’ve done these women, these human beings, wrong.  All I did was love them in their own ways for their own time.  Some for a day, some for a year, some for a week, and some always.  It was what it was and that’s great.  What bothers me is that the same person who chose to be with me for a minute, for a day, for a week, a month, a year, a lifetime, could decide to quit and from that moment on tell everyone how awful I was.  Surely that’s not the case.

It could just be that I’m hopeful right now.  I’m likely not to see most everyone I’ve ever known ever again.  And I don’t believe it’s too much to ask that their memories of me be pleasant.  Just because there’s enough hate to go around doesn’t mean we should share the wealth.  If I never see these people again it should mean nothing to me what their last impression is – but then, that would mean I’ve done something, intentional or not, to cause them pain.  And I don’t want that.  But yet they persist.

It could just be that there are people who care and there are people who don’t.

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